I feel so...

I just got two letters from Martin.

I need to get his graduation paper back to him, and I was suppose to mail it off yesterday and I forgot so I have to do it tomorrow so it'll be picked up on Monday.

Ugh, I'm so sad right now I cant even write.

The other letter was about how he went to the ER to get X-Rays for his shins. He's flat footed so its messing up his shin's and he said that they said they were close to being fractured and now he has to take pain killers and start drinking milk (with the already close to no time he has to eat). He has a waiver for something about self paced exercising or something. His next evaluation is some time this month and he might get medically discharged. I dont think its fair that they discharge him just because hes flat footed theres a lot of other people in the military who are flat footed as well. So I hope he doesnt get discharged.

I feel so... I dont know... sad.

I'm spending all this time setting things for a wedding that might not even happen. And I feel like giving up. I cant do anything to make this better, I cant encourage him from where I am, I cant help him. He has to do this on his own. I feel so bad for even questioning if he'll pass and I feel bad that I'm sad about it cause its like saying I dont believe in him. And I do, but I dont know. I'm just worried.

I'm just so sick of every letter being bad news, you know? I know it wasnt going to be easy and I know hes struggling but I didnt think every letter was going to be depressing. I'm almost tempted to not read anymore letters from him. But I know that would be wrong of me. I guess I'm just use to taking over when he needs help with things, and I cant this time. I cant away his worries, I cant take away his problems, I cant fix them this time. He's on his own.

And this is what it was about. Growing up on our own for awhile, not holding each other's hand. Gaining independence while we're away from each other.

I just want things to be okay.