Happily groggy.

I'm groggy. Someone woke me up this morning... MY BOO LOVES!!! :D

He called cause I was taking too long to mail out the graduation paper. He sounded a little bit mad at me, but I didnt snap back at him cause its really not that important and I was too happy he was on the phone (see, sometimes distance can be a good thing. Had he had been home, he woulda got the yelling of a lifetime). Once that was out of the way, we got to talk for a bit. Told him all my Wicked news, that mom bought me a hamster and I named him Boq and he laughed :D he liked the name hehe. Told him I havent been shopping cause I've been wanting to watch Wicked and he softened up. He told me about his shin and how he got physical therapy and they have a test tomorrow but he's excused to have his shin heal up, but at 7 weeks they have a test that determines everything so hopefully he's healed up by then. He's been drinking milk and stuff. He went to a Christian church today instead of the Wicca (Wicca is kinda solo mission thing like he mentioned in his last letter). He got this dog tags :D

What else... there's just so much to say and everything is a blur when you dont know what kind of time limit you're on. I told him everything for the wedding is ordered and I'm waiting for it to ship, asked about if I should do the booking for flight and hotel now or wait, told him about the money... he said he had to pay for clothes and stuff. He told me not to stress, reminded him its me hes talking to lol. Told him I'm trying to get his sponsorship for Thanksgiving.

His school is going to be in Florida and its going to be longer than we thought it would be with his previous job. So that sucks, I cant fly out to Florida all the time... if Texas is a 5hr flight... how long is Florida?! My ears will be really messed up by the time I get there! I've been avoiding NY for the same reason! But he's saying since we're going to be married by then he's going to try to get me to move out there, I kinda dont want to. Especially if its going to be out of our pocket. I dont really know how school works, I hear a lot of mixed things. I know if they have to be there for six months and over then you're able to move out there and they'll cover it, but I think less than six months is all out of pocket. Plus I'm not ready to move away from my family yet :(

I think that was it? He was really emotional :( my poor baby. Reminded him that I believe in him, I wouldnt had let him join the military if I didnt think he could make it. Told him to be good and take care and that he'll be fine. We'll see him in a few weeks. I told him to pass so we can get married and he did his baby "yes" and I know exactly what face he made. He kept saying I love you so much and it was getting harder and harder not to break. Dammit boo loves, can we keep things happy over the phone! It was nice to talk to him again after not talking for almost 2 weeks (2 weeks tomorrow).

He'll be fine. Just a few more weeks left... and it will all be over. And he'll get to come home and we'll get to get married and everything will be fine. Just a few more weeks love. That's all. I believe in you.

I feel so...

I just got two letters from Martin.

I need to get his graduation paper back to him, and I was suppose to mail it off yesterday and I forgot so I have to do it tomorrow so it'll be picked up on Monday.

Ugh, I'm so sad right now I cant even write.

The other letter was about how he went to the ER to get X-Rays for his shins. He's flat footed so its messing up his shin's and he said that they said they were close to being fractured and now he has to take pain killers and start drinking milk (with the already close to no time he has to eat). He has a waiver for something about self paced exercising or something. His next evaluation is some time this month and he might get medically discharged. I dont think its fair that they discharge him just because hes flat footed theres a lot of other people in the military who are flat footed as well. So I hope he doesnt get discharged.

I feel so... I dont know... sad.

I'm spending all this time setting things for a wedding that might not even happen. And I feel like giving up. I cant do anything to make this better, I cant encourage him from where I am, I cant help him. He has to do this on his own. I feel so bad for even questioning if he'll pass and I feel bad that I'm sad about it cause its like saying I dont believe in him. And I do, but I dont know. I'm just worried.

I'm just so sick of every letter being bad news, you know? I know it wasnt going to be easy and I know hes struggling but I didnt think every letter was going to be depressing. I'm almost tempted to not read anymore letters from him. But I know that would be wrong of me. I guess I'm just use to taking over when he needs help with things, and I cant this time. I cant away his worries, I cant take away his problems, I cant fix them this time. He's on his own.

And this is what it was about. Growing up on our own for awhile, not holding each other's hand. Gaining independence while we're away from each other.

I just want things to be okay.

Domestic violence.

I just finished watching Rihanna's interview on 20/20 about the incident that happened between her and Chris Brown earlier this year.

I'll admit, when that story was first released the first thing that came out of my mouth was "she must had done something to provoke him". Obviously the stories that were released had mixed up information. In one article it said she threw his phone and keys out the window but in the 20/20 interview the police report stated that he threw her phone out of the window when she attempted to call her assistant. So obviously I thought oh shes just another girl who just doesnt know when to shut up. Then there's Chris, who came from an abusive family and all you can really say is "well, he grew up around it. What do you expect?" and that theres no possible way someone will just hit you for no reason.

And yet, I never put my own past situation into consideration. Being in a relationship where I was verbally and mentally abused for 6 months straight, him putting his hands on me once and him "attempting" suicide because he was mad at me once. And when you look back on it, I never provoked any of those arguments. He started them with me and once I showed I was hurt he would push it even farther and when I would ask him to stop it would get even worse.

When she says that the physical wounds will heal but the flashbacks dont, she's right. I hate thinking back to the day I was pinned and I couldnt move and he was screaming at me. And I just didnt know where or when it was going to end or how. Its haunting, even now, six years later its still haunting. I assume at any given minute Martin will do the same thing to me one day even though in the last five years he's never even screamed at me. But lucky for me, my business wasnt broadcast around the world.

After watching her interview, I admire her so much more. I admire how strong she is and how she quickly realized that young girls look up to her and she didnt want to send the wrong message to them. I can imagine how hard it must be for her to be away from Chris and to deal with what has happened on top of that especially if they were best friends and I admire her for being so strong about it.

And I admire that it didnt take her 8 or 9 times for her to finally walk away.

Long day...

So today Marissa was suppose to take her entrance test for school, and I asked her to make sure and blah blah blah and she said she did buuuuut! She texted me as I was driving to the house and tells me that she had to make an appointment for the test.

!!!!!!!!!!

Female version of Martin. I swear LOL.

So instead we go to Vaca and get lunch at Olive Garden. For $4. Shhh hehe. Then headed to Borders. None of the bridal magazines were helpful! Went to PetSmart, they didnt have anything I was looking for, for Boq (I decided to name the Robo baby Boq… after the munchkin from Wicked lol!) but we saw some meal worms making their great escape. Pretty gross. Thennn we went to Target and they didnt have my ear plugs.

Went to the mall and they still only had one candle which was the one I was looking at last time we were there, ugh. Oh! I got my See’s Wicked chocolates! Whoooooohoooo!!! YES! Hehe. Went to Party City to look for invites and the guy who worked in invites was new, literally his first day so, no help there… decided to add blue Frooties to the favors. Marissa’s a genius!

Went to Party City closer to home and they have an invite order specialist… wtf? And she wasnt there. They re-did that Party City. It looks so much bigger now! Went to CVS and found my ear plugs, yay! Went to Michaels and got some mesh bags for the favors, silver bows, blue/white/silver ribbon for the bouquet and my snowflakes! Stopped by Bed Bath and Beyond cause it opened! And its huge! And they have makeup and shampoo and stuff, crazy! Got info about the registry and it sounds a lot better than everyone elses. Its good for up to 2 years and if we purchase anything on our registry we get 10% off. Pretty neat. So made an appointment tomorrow at 11AM to go get that done. The invite lady for Party City doesnt get there til 12PM anyway, so gives us enough time. Then got Taco Bell for dinner and headed to Wal Mart cause Marissa had to look at jackets. Found better bubble blowers there, so gonna get those and return the ones from Michaels.

So tomorrow I have to order invites and custom ribbon, set up Bed Bath and Beyond registry, return bubbles, go to the bank, pay bills, stop by Joann’s, stop by Hallmark, Aerie gift, free Godiva, check my comic book (that was suppose to be out today but I didnt get a call) and stop by the post office. Oh and check out wedding bands.

WHY ARE WEDDING INVITES SO EXPENSIVE?! Goodness!!!

I love how Wicked always manages to calm me. I was watching behind the scenes for the Sydney production and I got excited to see the show again. I seriously dont think I’ll ever get tired of the show!

I hope everything works out…

Basic Training pay.

When Martin had enlisted into the Air Force, one of the questions we were concerned about was if he was going to be paid during Basic Training. We had thought of freezing his accounts, but with such short notice (under a month before he had to leave) we didnt know if we should even bother trying. So we figured if he was paid during Basic, everything should be fine. And the recruiter assured us that he would be getting paid during Basic.

Typically they get paid every two weeks, so I figure that would work out as far as getting the bills paid and being able to save up for the wedding.

Well, the day he was suppose to get his first pay, he didnt get it. It landed on the weekend and after Googling it, they said that if the pay date should fall on a weekend or holiday it would be paid the following weekday. So I wait for Monday to roll by and still no pay. So I turn to yahoo answers which probably wasnt the best idea I've ever had since we all know, no one on yahoo answers is actually helpful.

Anyway, I find out that his first actual pay could take 4-8 weeks to arrive, which puts me in a panic because of the wedding. I need to pay a down payment to both the chapel and the reception obviously at least two or so weeks before the wedding. Not to mention get everyone else to book their rooms with our promo code and people usually need a few weeks to request it off work. So, with the time frame I have and not knowing when his pay will arrive (I'm getting a lot of the beginning of next month, which eases me slightly), I dont know how this will work out. And as always its up to me to make it work out.

Not to mention how impossible it is to get into contact with him considering he's in Basic and the only card that he has that I would be able to charge everything to, is not under my name. Now I regret arguing with him about not wanting to be on that card.

It just sucks, everything happened in the span of 3 months. Him considering, him leaving, the engagement, the wedding, everything. Is just crammed into 3 months. I would assume I'd be more stressed out than I am at the moment, but I've felt a lot better since I found my dress. Everything will work out, it has to.

Now you could say well why dont you pay for it and I can pay for his bills if I absolutely need to, but again they are his bills. With his debt, I have my own debt to worry about and the recruiter told us this wouldnt be a problem. But as far as the wedding goes, I dont have enough to pay for that. The bills I can cover, the wedding, I can not.

And keep in mind, I dont mind if we have to wait until his R&R to get married. Its him who wants to get married as soon as possible so I can go with him to Tech School. I mean I would like to get married as soon as possible as well, but if we have to wait, I wont mind.

My Greatest Adventure.

I saw this on someone's Tumblr and got sad. Martin wrote me a letter in the car before he left for Basic Training and it said:

Without you I would had never experienced these things. But guess what! Now its my turn to take you on an adventure. For six or so years. Thank you for being the best adventure babe.

I miss him so much =(.

A new month!

Hellooooooooooo November!

I'm excited for November for the following reasons:

• Aerie free gift (if you're on their A-List)
• Godiva free chocolate (if you're part of their membership program)
• The Marvelous Land of Oz comic book releases this month (part II)
• Seeing Wicked for the third time this month!
• I get my dress at the end of the month
• One month closer to seeing my boo loves!!!

Oh yah, and New Moon comes out (obviously its not high on my excited for list). I have a few things to get done before November ends since November is the last month I'll have any kind of free time. December is going to be insane and busy. I was going to list the reasons why but I thought it was violation of OPSEC so I deleted it. Of course those details will be posted on the LiveJournal though. Blogger really needs to get on some privacy settings with certain entries! Goodness. But December will be extremely busy. Everything is week after week. I have about four days between huge event 1 and Martin coming home for the holidays. Then about a week between him coming home and the wedding. So yes, you can imagine just how busy I'll be in December.

I'm so excited to finally be able to see him soon. I miss him so much. I'm not a huge fan of Sundays since 1) you dont get mail so that means no letters 2) I dont get phone call's on Sunday. Contrary to everyone else who does. I usually get phone call's on Monday. Though I know they can be pretty random. So I'm hoping for a phone call tomorrow... and as much as I say "oh I'm not going to count on it" you know I am. I mailed off 3 letters today and I'll be mailing off 2 more tomorrow. Its hard to talk through letters since I need some questions answered regarding the wedding and sometimes those questions go unanswered since there's just too much to say in one letter. But I dont really want to spend the only 10 minutes we have per call to talk about wedding details you know?

I got a letter yesterday and it was less depressing than his last letter. Thank goodness. He got me a gift from the Wiccan church and I cant wait to see it! And know how his Wiccan church thing today went.

I have some people from Etsy sending me samples of their soaps for my wedding favors. So hopefully I get those in next week so I can pick and choose which ones I'll be ordering and have that part down so all I'll have to worry about is the packaging for the soaps. Still trying to figure out the bouquet details. Havent gone to Party City yet but I will be later this week. Hopefully by the time I go, I'll get a more solid answer on the date. And... yep!