A few weeks left, but it feels like forever.

I want to be back in your arms already. I miss your face. I miss your chin hair scratching the hell out of my face when you kiss me. I miss your dimples and your smile. I miss laying my head on your shoulder and inhaling your scent. I miss your soft squishy wet kisses. I miss your sweet sweat and how it makes my mouth water to the point where I just have to bite you. I miss how you never mind that. I miss you sticking your knuckle in my mouth for me to bite on when I have road rage, or when I'm hungry. I miss when I bite too hard and you say "ow" and pull your hand away and make that scared face. I miss making faces at you all day. I miss your warm hugs and holding your hand. I miss you rubbing my face when I'm stressed out. I miss your forehead kisses. I miss your encouraging hand squeezes.

I miss you holding the door open in women's restrooms and watching me cause you know the hand dryer scares me. I miss you pulling me away from things you know I dont need to buy. I miss sharing Hazelnut Toffee Mocha's from Seattles Best with you. I miss sharing soup and soda with you at Panera Bread. I miss sending you millions of Wicked videos from YouTube and watching them with you. I miss singing to Wicked with you. I miss singing with you in general. I miss your good morning phone calls and the songs you sing me while I'm waking up. I miss your cheerful "Hi baby!" when I pick up the phone. I miss you falling asleep on AIM while I'm still talking. I miss you playing your PSP way too loud in the car. I miss you driving me around. I miss how you always have to hold my hand while you drive.

I hate that we've been apart from each other for this long. I hate how far you are from me. I hate the days I walk in my room and smell you. I hate the times I bite my lip and taste your kiss. I hate getting in my car knowing you wont be joining me soon and I wont be getting a "good morning baby" hug.

I want to wrap myself in you and just sleep. I want the the its-just-you-and-me-here feeling again. I want you home. I want you here with me, right now. I want you to never leave me again.

I miss you so much and I try so hard to push it away and to just forget about it. I drown myself in "work" so avoid thinking about how you're not here today or tomorrow or next week. I'm constantly moving cause being idle reminds me I cant pick up the phone and call you about my new idea's or accomplishments or projects. I'm so set on doing something to make you proud when I see you again. And I've got a lot of things I'm working on, and yet none of them make me feel proud. I'm excited for some of them, but I just really wish you were here to work on them with me. Like you always do.

It feels like we've been apart forever. It feels like I wont see you for another forever. Its just a few more weeks, we're half way done. I cant wait until you come home. I cant wait until I get to show you my projects and I cant wait to show you your surprise gift. I hope you like it. And I hope you like my new projects, its not jewelry but I think you'd be happy to know I'm working on something I've always had a passion for over something I just started.

I know its hard for you to push yourself without me. I know its hard for you to keep your head on right without me with you. Its hard for both of us, but you're pushing yourself as far as you can and I havent been, and I should. Its not fair for you to and for me to sit here and mope. So the next few weeks, I'll be pushing myself as hard as you're pushing yourself.

I cant wait to see you again.

My Greatest Adventure.

I saw this on someone's Tumblr and got sad. Martin wrote me a letter in the car before he left for Basic Training and it said:

Without you I would had never experienced these things. But guess what! Now its my turn to take you on an adventure. For six or so years. Thank you for being the best adventure babe.

I miss him so much =(.

Overslept & bad dreams...

I had a bad dream last night.

We went to Martin's graduation and after we went to this mall/shopping area place and he immediately went to the arcade and didnt bother spending time with me, so I walked off to the shopping mall and a few hours later we had to go to ceremony type thing and I didnt wanna sit with him cause he ignored me the whole day for video games but I was forced to sit next to him and he finally hugged me and it felt all nice and stuff then he told me he cheated on me. Twice. And I got really sad and just... blah.

Then he tried to kill me.

Dream Martin isnt a fan of me I'm starting to think. But I woke up sad.

This might sound weird coming from someone who's only had long distance relationships her whole life (out of 13 relationships, only 3 including this one has been local), but I sometimes doubt I can handle being a military wife. I didnt think the distance would bother me this much. I thought I'd brush it off like the usual "oh its cool I'll see him next week" type of deal (and just keep saying that every week for the next seven weeks). But its nothing like that. This distance is tiring. And I hate it. I wrote Martin a letter last night and I dont know if I should send it, I was just really angry and tired last night and I dont want to send him letters that are anything less than happy. I know it must be hard for him out there too, harder than it is for me. And I dont want to send him a letter telling him how unhappy I am, even if I am for that moment because overall, I'm not. I'm so proud of him, but I just miss him so much sometimes.

Its just hard, and its only the second week. We can get through this, I just need to stop being so impatient.

I didnt get out of bed til 1PM today, which is fine. My eye stopped twitching. Thank goodness. It's so hot today, where are you hiding autumn?