Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas Eve! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe holiday!

Wedding favors!

These are some of the wedding favors!

I have Sugar Cookie scented sparkly snowflake soaps in pearly white, matte dark blue and pearly light blue. Put them in mesh gift bags with some Frooties (my fav candy), a ribbon and a smaller silver bow was hot glue gunned on there. The other is bubbles with a heart handle and it has a ribbon tied to it.

I took this picture at night, so sorry if the lighting is bad! I'll try to get a better picture with all 3 of the soaps during the day some time before the wedding!

I'm so nervous, we're down less than 6 days left! Oh my goodness!


OMG. It's officially less than a week away from my wedding. Meaning TODAY NEXT WEEK I'll be MARRIED. Is it just me or is that CRAZY to think about? I'm seriously freaking out, LESS THAN A WEEK. Not a month, not a year, A WEEK. OMG OMG OMG! Okay, okay, I need to breathe.

I hope things run smoothly, I hope I didnt forget any last minute details or anything. I hope... omgosh I dont even know anymore! This is INSANE. OHMYGOSH.


Whew. Okay. Okay. So yesterday I went to Kay to ask if my wedding band was coming in soon... and oh lookie, it was already there. But I didnt get a call! Good thing I went there to ask, goodness. Why didnt anyone call?! Ugh. At least I got it now and it's beautiful. And it fits perfect! Thank goodness! I am IN LOVE with it, I want it more than my engagement ring lol! My engagement ring annoys me a bit, its heavier so its looser on my finger and the prongs from the diamond poke me! Ugh, I dont see how anyone could wear something more than 1 karat. Painful!

I FINALLY got my Christmas shopping done. I'm missing one gift, and as much as I dont want to pass it, I just might have to. Ughhh. I think I'll get it after Christmas and save it for her next birthday or something. It was such a good idea! I really wanted DJ Hero for Christmas, but Martin's telling me to wait and that I dont need it right now and blah blah blah lol! Hmph. Yes I know I'm being a brat, but I think I deserve it! So there! Haha. I honestly cant wait to see what he got me for Christmas. I hope he likes his gift as well!


The wedding is TEN DAYS AWAY. OMG, I'm about to hit single digits soon! Ahhhh!!! I'm excited but nervous, but excited... but nervous. I hope I'm not forgetting to get anything done!

I picked up my dress, shoes and jacket yesterday! I tried everything on and everything went wonderful! It looks amazing! I hope I dont trip over anything while I'm walking down the isle. I still havent fully figured out what I'll be doing with my hair, I think I'll keep it straight and down. I wanted to curl it, but I dont want to spend the extra money to and I dont want to attempt to do it on my own and mess it up.

I need to go over the list of things I have to do to make sure everything is done and ready. I hate this, what if I forget something? Grrr.

Less than two weeks away....

I can not believe the wedding is less than two weeks away! This is insane. I'm extremely nervous! Martin on the other hand, is pretty excited. Isnt it suppose to be the other way around? Isnt the guy suppose to be nervous and the girl's suppose to be excited?! Goodness! We should be picking up my dress this week, along with the wedding band. I only ordered myself one, he sent in a request to resize his ring. It was too big and he never grew into it during Basic Training so he's been wearing it on his right hand instead of his left. They should be sending both my wedding band and his resized ring by this week.

With all this wedding crazy-ness, I almost completely forgot about Christmas. I mean, you cant really forget about it since everywhere is decorated but I mean, I almost didnt have time to think about getting gifts. I usually get my Christmas shopping done in November/early December but I was too busy in November to do anything :(

MIA and freezing cold!

All Fall I was hoping for the weather to cool down and it didnt. In fact, it didnt cool down until late November/early December and it dropped, drastically! So much for Fall. Now its freezing! The lowest we've had were in the low 30's and I know that's not really low compared to other states but I live in Northern California! I'm not use to this kind of temperature! I always complain about how I've never touched real snow and I cant even handle low 30's, goodness! Seriously, all I ever feel like doing is curling up under a huge fleece blanket and going to sleep! At least it hasnt been crazy raining around here, but there have been really strong winds (that scare the crap out of me)!

I know I've been super MIA, yesterday was the first day in a week (since Martin came home) that I was able to stay home and get some things done (finally changed my bed sheets to my flannel ones). Martin insisted that I stay home and get things done. I cant help it, he's been home and all I want to do is cuddle with him!

I confirmed the final details for the wedding ceremony yesterday morning. Also cleared things up for the reception and went over the cake details, I wont hear back from her until Tuesday since shes out of the office til then. I have until the end of this weekend to sign and mail back the confirmation to the chapel for the wedding and everything will be set, ready and booked. This all feels so surreal!

I'm excited and nervous and.... just... OMG! Haha.

Oh and yesterday morning I decided on a Honeymoon destination! Its going to be our Honeymoon/my birthday celebration! I'm super excited.

I think I'm more excited for our Honeymoon than our wedding LOL.


He was suppose to be graduating today. I was suppose to fly out yesterday. I'm suppose to be in Texas right now... but he's not and I'm not.

I know its kinda silly, but I cant help but feel a little sad that I wont be seeing him graduate today.

To flight ***, congratulations.

Wedding details!

Goodness its freezing cold! It was snowing like, the other day. Not like snow snow but in some places (like the 510 and 925) there was some snow. I havent been great on updating lately, I've been busy and when I am on the PC, its too cold to type an entire entry out!


I called our chapel location (I finally got an email from a wedding planner) and the day before Martin and I went over the ceremony details and I went over what we decided on with her. So most of the important stuff now is out of the way, I just have to get back to her on Friday about my bouquet. Called our reception location and ordered the cake, I still have not received the emailed paper work about sending in the deposit so I might have to call them again. I also have to email them a picture of what I want the cake to look like so I can get a quote and a grand total.

Went to Concord. I had my roots re-highlighted and my bangs trimmed. Martin and Marissa went to find him a tux so when I was done, they brought me to where they found him a tux. Received a call from the bridal store saying my dress was in, so we went there really quick so I could try it on (its GORGEOUS) and get it fixed up. My shoes arent so bad, they're walk-able in. So after that, I showed Martin my dream dress and all he said was "its alright" :( men and their lack of caring about crap. After that went to the mall out there and had Thai food for dinner, then we got into a slight arguement, but it was resolved shortly after. He tried on his tux jacket and... I'm kinda... ehh about it. I mean, it looks cool! Its different. Not really sure if you'd wear it to a wedding... but if its what he likes, then that's fine. I picked my dress, he can freely pick his tux. So now I'm waiting on my dress to get back to me in a week! I'm super excited. Decided on just the tiara, the vial looks weird on me and my dress isnt white anyway.

Went to Kohls and found a dress shirt and a tie that would go well with the tux, thank goodness... I have a 15% off for Kohls! Haha. And all the other dress shirts we found were super expensive (and a tie for $90, I dont think so)!


Marissa took her entrance test for school and we looked around some more for tux stuff, or well... we intended to but ended up reading at Borders Express lol! Whoops. Went to order his tux, finally. Went to pick up the stuff from Kohls, his tux comes in on Christmas Eve which worries me... I hope it works out!

Showed both Marissa and Martin the orchid picture that the wedding planner sent me. I think I'll just mix those orchid's with white and blue roses and for the flower that Martin's going to wear, I'll make it an orchid with a blue rose. Same with Marissa's and my dad's.

I think that's most of the updated wedding information :) I'll try to blog again in the morning. My toes and fingers are getting numb from being so cold!!

He's home! He's home!

Martin came home last week! I know, I've been super MIA since he's been home!

He's been falling asleep a lot lately lol. He's suppose to graduate in 3 days, I'm suppose to be flying out in 2 days. It sucks how close he was to finishing Basic Training. But I am extremely happy he's home!

He had to return all his uniforms, boo! I'll never get to see him in his ABU's or his Blues :( but he got to bring back his ABU hat's so he gave me one. I'm a sucker for ABU's, especially their hats! So imagine how excited I was lol.

Our wedding coordinator emailed me the other day and called me yesterday morning. Martin and I went through the last bits of the ceremony details that she sent us. So I'm gonna have to call her today with what we decided on. The hard part is dealing with the plane tickets. Since its close to our leave date the prices went up (from $98 to $124, wtf!) and adding an extra $160-something for an extra night at the hotel. We obviously cant participate in any promo's any one offers cause the majority of our nights staying at the hotel is covered by the wedding package. Boo.

Oh and Martin said he wont walk down the isle and that I have to :(

Less than 23 days left. I'm getting extremely nervous. Like you wouldnt believe, nervous!

My dress is suppose to be coming in this week, and the wedding bands are coming in within the next week and a half. I have to set things up for the reception and figure out what I'm going to do with my hair.

Waiting game!

I was planning on posting pictures, but I havent had time to take pictures of the favors... and my mom moved them and I just found them in a completely different room the other day. How random, ugh.

The mess that's the wedding invites. We stayed up til 1AM writing out "more info" cards to put in the invitations and folding and putting everything in their envelopes. They gave me extra invitations but no extra envelopes. How does that make sense?! You can spot the light blue snowflake soap favor in there somewhere. I got light blue, white and matte navy blue ones. Oh and Boq's cage, he was keeping us company! Dont mind my sister in law, she was on my sidekick talking to a boy. Ahem lol.

My dress should be here next week, I'm so excited to see it! I'm going to try it on with my shoes, lets hope I'm able to walk in my shoes lol. If not, I might just have to search for white flats... why dont they make flats in white?! I'm waiting on a few more soaps to get here. The numbers were off somehow. Also waiting on an email back from the chapel. I tried to fax in the payment on Friday and it kept telling me the server was busy. I hope she responds to me soon! I dont want to lose my hold!

I need to set my cake design to the reception area and I need to figure out a hair style!

Did I mention at this point I'm extremely nervous? I'm twenty nine days away from my wedding date. I brought up having him walk down the isle instead of me and he decline. Darn! I dont want to do this. I dont want to imagine how nervous I'll be. I know its not a big deal, but I just... ugh. I hate attention!!!

I'm a little sad my wedding blog isnt as epic or as pretty as other peoples, I know... silly right? Hehe. Sorry! Its just a huge once in a lifetime thing and I wish I felt like I was doing everything right, but there isnt much to plan or much to expect. I dont have many friends. In fact I have a bunch of invitations left over. I got 2 RSPV's back and they both arent able to make it. I honestly wouldnt even care if it was just our parents and a friend or two. I think I'd be less nervous if that happened instead of a bunch of family showing up.

Still waiting on him to come home. They pushed him back all last week. They're supposedly sending 24 people home tomorrow, lets hope he's one of them.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Woke up at 5AM-ish to something that made me grumpy. Sat up for an hour just staring at the wall. Blah.

Martin called at almost noon to say Happy Thanksgiving and that he had a huge lunch five minutes prior to calling me. I'm glad he at least got some yummy food today over there. He's still in the holding dorm, his paper work is all done hes just waiting to go home. I hate that he's so far away and I hate that I cant talk to him whenever I want today. Our first Thanksgiving apart in the last 5 years. Sucks.

He told me he's thankful for me. And I just broke down. I tried not to the entire phone call and I just couldnt help it. I just really wish he was home already. He sounded so concerned when I started crying and it just made me sadder, I want a huge hug so bad right now. He tried to cheer me up before the pay phone cut him off, he tried to get me to sing For Good. Silly butt. I miss him so much.

Thanksgiving has never really been my favorite holiday. Its pretty chill around here. Nothing big. I think I'll spend today cleaning my room and reading some of my book. Maybe take a nap since I woke up so early this morning, blah.

Havent decided if I'm going to do the Black Friday thing this year. I'm glad they offer sales online though. Target is having a deal on the One Tree Hill season 6 DVD for $12! But its not worth waking up at 4AM for. There isnt anything huge I want this year. I just got a new digi cam last week. Only thing I really want is Wicked tickets or a Mac Book Pro. But I'm a bit hesitant to spend money this year since a bunch of money went to the wedding. Blah. Oh well, I dont really need anything. Well, besides a memory card for my new camera but that's nothing worth waking up at 4AM for either.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Favors, Invites & Decor. DONE!

The rest of the favors shipped earlier this week. I havent had a chance to take pictures of anything just yet, but I will soon! The bubbles with the ribbons turned out nice and the favors turned out really pretty too. The invites were sent out yesterday and we finished putting together the table decor the day before. I think it looks fine, but we'll have to see what kind of table they're giving us as well and hope its a long table cause that's what the decors are set up for. I'm happy with how everything turned out.

Now just waiting on my dress and gotta find Martin a tux. Also gotta put down the deposit for both the chapel and the reception area. And we're all set :)

He's getting discharged.

So I should had wrote about this when it happened but I just wasnt in the mood to talk. Dang, now I have to start from the beginning.

So on the 18th, I was suppose to see Wicked with my sister-in-law and I woke up with an ulcer. I thought I just had to poop (you know how sometimes that m
akes your stomach hurt) but it wasnt that. Then it hit me, it was an ulcer. I took some Tums (even though that doesnt help it but hey, I had hopes) and tried to tough it out cause I already paid $120 for these tickets the week before. So I drove to the Ferry Building and I can not tell you how painful the drive was. So we park and I already know I cant walk. And it was 10AM, the show wasnt until 2PM and I knew I was going to be in an insane amount of pain if I were to walk around SF. Which sucks cause I had plans to go places before the show. So I was really really sad. And Marissa was being super understanding, so thank goodness for that.

I called my dad and told him I wasnt able to drive home so he had to come get us. So he came to drive us home and got me some Won Ton Soup on the way home.

I get home and the soup did make me feel a bit better and I went to lay down and Marissa went to finish hot glue gunning the favors together (her and Martin dont let me near hot glue guns, grrr). Around 12PM my stomach started to feel better. I know, right? It would. Anyway, I went to look up designs for my hair and wedding cake. At 2PM I took this picture:

My phone says 2:02PM. I had a count down going. Marissa had to cover my eyes at 2PM lol! So we did what any sane people who missed Wicked did.

We played the soundtrack.


Probably not the best idea, but hey. It made us feel like we were there. Kinda.

Anyway, eventually I took a nap. When the ulcer fades I get a slight headache and chills. I was coming down with a fever and I was telling Marissa I was having chills so she took off her sweater and put it over me and its one of those thick wool type wrap things and OMG it wasso warm that I instantly fell asleep.

Marissa woke me up cause my phone was ringing and you know how instantly you kinda justwake up when your phone goes off? Yeah. So I got up and no one said shit on the other line so I hung up and called the number back, no answer. So I got up to go pee and the phone rings and its Martin so I go back to the room and hes like "did you call me back?" and I was like "uh... maybe" lol!

But he called and he was like "I have bad news, I'm being discharged..." he sounded really sad and disappointed and I tried making him feel better. I know he felt defeated and I know how bad he wanted this, he was explaining to me why they were discharging him and they transfered him and he'll be home soon and to tell his family. I told him Marissa was there taking care of me. We called both of our mom's when I got off the phone with him.

I spent all yesterday moping around. Someone told me that the tendon actually takes only 3 weeks to heal and my mom (who's an RN) confirmed this so I thought there would still be hope and that he can come back in 6 months, not 2 years like they told him.

So he called me this morning (at like freakin 7:30AM, wth), again with the instantly waking up lol! I told him the good news but he said that since hes flat footed, and with this tendon, its reoccurring. Its not usually a chronic problem, but for him it is. He said they cant discharge him for flat feet and they cant discharge him for his tendon but since he has both they have to. And that it would take him more than six months to fix it. =( I tried. I asked him if he still wanted to get married and he was like "yes, I do" he sounded a little sad, I just wanted to make sure. I told him I talked to my mom last night and she said it was alright with her. He said he'd be home soon, hopefully before or after Thanksgiving.

We got to talk for 25 minutes and it felt like forever, it was kinda nice. He was laughing a lot more, so that made me happy. He was talking about his uniform and how he took his flight pictures already with his blues and his camos. And he said he was wearing his camos while he was talking to me and I was like "this is so unfair I wanted to see you in your camos" and he was like "yeah, I know, and to be honest I dont look bad in them" BITCH hahaha. I asked about his name tag and he was telling me he had some and he was like "I'm hella touching my uniform and pointing at it like you can see me" haha. But he has to return his blues and his camos. I asked him to ask if you can keep the hat. Cause I want his hat. And his name tag. I'm a sucker for military uniforms, but just certain pieces lol!

I was like "oh hey thanks for taking us to Todai last week" and he was like "you're.... I did what?" and he started laughing he was like "how do you just tell me that" hahaah! Hey, I have a problem with lying okay? Geez. And I was telling him how Marissa is harder on me than he is when it comes to spending money and a bunch of other things. It wasnt as sad as our usual conversations are, which was nice. He was like "I got your letter yesterday and how you were saying I'll do good and I was like aw fuck" haha!!

I miss him so much, I can not wait for him to come home even if it means he didnt graduate. We're still getting married, even if it means living away from each other... at home... with our parents... lol. We'll figure something out, we always do. Well hey, at least now I can move to Washington like I wanted right? lol. LETS HOPE.

He's still my Airman and I'm still so very proud of him. He'll get it right eventually and when he does, I'll be there besides him. My parents are for him trying again once he heals up too. And that makes me happy. Our lives are hard and we have a ton of bad luck, but we're so lucky to have such supportive families and people in our lives. Life may suck, but the people who pull you back up when you're down make life that much more brighter.


Felt like dropping by, I havent really updated on much cause there really isnt much to update on.

The wedding planning is going good, pretty much done. Gotta send out the invitations, put down the deposit for the chapel, waiting on the favors to get here, the ribbons and my dress. And that's pretty much it.

Havent heard from Martin much the last week, I got one letter from him. I'm assuming things are busy over there. Hopefully he gets to spend Thanksgiving with his family, that would be nice.

That's pretty much all, I'm getting a little more use to him not being around. A little too use to it. Haha, I'm sure when he comes home thats going to be weird. But I am thinking about him all the time. Some things are starting to slip my mind, like nicknames and things like that. I'm sure when I see him everything will come back to me.

I already booked everything for his graduation. I hate how he's hours away from me via plane. I hate taking the plane longer than an hour. Might want to get that ear thing checked soon... yeah.

A few more weeks til I see him! I'm excited and nervous at the same time =)

Misery is the best inspiration.

And he loves me so. Takes me where you never took me, although you tried to. His eyes they read so true. So different from the way it was with you...

I dont dwell on my past half as much as I use to, in fact a lot of my past is a blur. But certain songs still bring up certain people, certain days, certain feelings. And sometimes, its a refreshing blast of memories. Like on a cold November night like this one.

In every life there will be one great love and one unforgettable heart break.

November was never a good month for me, majority of my break ups happen in November. My "unforgettable heart break" happened in November. I can deny you all I want, but no one hurt me as much as you did. And I cant figure out why, besides that I was young and stupid. You were a pretty decent boyfriend, a push over but decent. But everyone needs to feel the pain you gave me, its a big part of who made me who I am today. And I happen to like who I am today.

Moving on... I'm getting married. Wow. Me. Getting married. Never would had thought. Sure we've been together for almost six years (wow, six years, really?) but I just never really saw us getting married. I'm a lot like Ben Affleck in "How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days". I figure we're happy, why ruin it by getting married. And sure, I still think that. But a small itty bitty part of me is actually kinda excited. Shh, dont tell Martin I said that. I always thought that once you get married, or engaged, the past kinda just... disappears. You dont think of the past or what-could-had-been or why-did-that-end. Why I thought that is beyond me.

I guess I'm lucky. I'm lucky because my fiance is my best of all best friends. Literally. We talk about my exes, we talk about his exes, we try to figure out why our past relationships failed. We have real conversations about things like that. He knows how I feel about all of my exes, he knows the ones I wish I was still friends with or the ones hurt me. And he does what I always wished someone would do with that information. He uses to know who I am and how I am. Not against me, but as a better understanding of how I react to things. I'm lucky because in the last six years, he was able to figure who I had a crush on. At work, at school, to him it was so obvious. And he'd pick on me, not in a jealous boyfriend way but in a ooh-I'm-telling-him-you-like-him way. And sometimes between us, its just so easy to forget we're together. Because the majority of the time, we dont feel like that. We feel like two best friends hanging out.

Words can not express how lucky and blessed and happy I am to have him. To have someone who's just like me. Who sacrifices just to see a smile on their face. To spoil me with hugs and kisses and my favorite food "just because". Who accepts every part of me, and who is completely in love with the tomboy side of me. Someone who'll watch me put on lipstick, wipe it off with his finger, kiss me and whisper "you dont need it". Someone who makes me feel so damn alive. He wont ask why I'm crying if I dont feel like telling him but he'll hug the hell out of me until I'm spent, tuck me in bed and kiss me on the forehead and tell me to sleep it off.

I think back to exes and memories and the crazy fucked up crap you go through with them in high school and relationships that ended far too soon. And the boys I miss. And I look at him and I'm glad those relationship ended. I'm glad for all the fucked up crazy shit I went through. I'm glad I got kicked out school. I'm glad I had to repeat senior year. I'm so glad. I'm so glad to be here, with him. With this ring on my finger. With that ring on his.

I love you. I love you a million times. In a million different lifetimes. I've always loved you. I will always love you. My dope friend. My best friend. My babemerding. A million thank yous. For just being you <3.

A few weeks left, but it feels like forever.

I want to be back in your arms already. I miss your face. I miss your chin hair scratching the hell out of my face when you kiss me. I miss your dimples and your smile. I miss laying my head on your shoulder and inhaling your scent. I miss your soft squishy wet kisses. I miss your sweet sweat and how it makes my mouth water to the point where I just have to bite you. I miss how you never mind that. I miss you sticking your knuckle in my mouth for me to bite on when I have road rage, or when I'm hungry. I miss when I bite too hard and you say "ow" and pull your hand away and make that scared face. I miss making faces at you all day. I miss your warm hugs and holding your hand. I miss you rubbing my face when I'm stressed out. I miss your forehead kisses. I miss your encouraging hand squeezes.

I miss you holding the door open in women's restrooms and watching me cause you know the hand dryer scares me. I miss you pulling me away from things you know I dont need to buy. I miss sharing Hazelnut Toffee Mocha's from Seattles Best with you. I miss sharing soup and soda with you at Panera Bread. I miss sending you millions of Wicked videos from YouTube and watching them with you. I miss singing to Wicked with you. I miss singing with you in general. I miss your good morning phone calls and the songs you sing me while I'm waking up. I miss your cheerful "Hi baby!" when I pick up the phone. I miss you falling asleep on AIM while I'm still talking. I miss you playing your PSP way too loud in the car. I miss you driving me around. I miss how you always have to hold my hand while you drive.

I hate that we've been apart from each other for this long. I hate how far you are from me. I hate the days I walk in my room and smell you. I hate the times I bite my lip and taste your kiss. I hate getting in my car knowing you wont be joining me soon and I wont be getting a "good morning baby" hug.

I want to wrap myself in you and just sleep. I want the the its-just-you-and-me-here feeling again. I want you home. I want you here with me, right now. I want you to never leave me again.

I miss you so much and I try so hard to push it away and to just forget about it. I drown myself in "work" so avoid thinking about how you're not here today or tomorrow or next week. I'm constantly moving cause being idle reminds me I cant pick up the phone and call you about my new idea's or accomplishments or projects. I'm so set on doing something to make you proud when I see you again. And I've got a lot of things I'm working on, and yet none of them make me feel proud. I'm excited for some of them, but I just really wish you were here to work on them with me. Like you always do.

It feels like we've been apart forever. It feels like I wont see you for another forever. Its just a few more weeks, we're half way done. I cant wait until you come home. I cant wait until I get to show you my projects and I cant wait to show you your surprise gift. I hope you like it. And I hope you like my new projects, its not jewelry but I think you'd be happy to know I'm working on something I've always had a passion for over something I just started.

I know its hard for you to push yourself without me. I know its hard for you to keep your head on right without me with you. Its hard for both of us, but you're pushing yourself as far as you can and I havent been, and I should. Its not fair for you to and for me to sit here and mope. So the next few weeks, I'll be pushing myself as hard as you're pushing yourself.

I cant wait to see you again.

Earlyyy phone call!

I got several phone calls from Martin this morning to contact our teachers for him. He woke me up at 8:15AM, I was unaware of the time... just happy he called. So I grabbed the numbers and contacted them. Fell back to sleep and he called again, I gave him the info. We talked for a little bit. He's sick with flu-like symptoms :( told him about the sponsorship he said he called his dad prior to calling me and he told him. Its good he called his parents :) and... I dont remember what else. Went back to sleep. He called me again to ask for their more information, so I called the school again and gave him the information. Asked if Marissa was suppose to wear a dress or a tux for the wedding. He said it was up to her. If she wants to wear a dress she can. Went back to sleep. He called again for something, I dont remember at this point lol!

Finally just got up and I was working on my Wicked site and he called again just to say thank you really quick (people were waiting to use the phone so I guess they got to call home today). I told him my page rates went up and he cracked saying that he was proud of me :) my poor baber! I told him to be good and good luck on his test and he'll be fine, to just let his shin heal and not hurt himself. I'd rather he be fully healed before he does his test then test himself before his test and hurt himself again. He told me to tell Boq he loves him, I thought that was cute. I told him he's gonna have to come home and tame him cause he's super jumpy.

Then he called again after saying that the last call was going to be his last call lol. I have two first names and he didnt know if there was a space, hyphen or if it was just one word. I was a little offended, but then I realized that I never really write it out, and when he does see it (like on my email) its usually one word. Which its not, there's a space between them. I gave him a big kiss over the phone and he laughed. I'm glad I got him to smile, I tried to sound super cheerful for him.

I miss him so much. And if I miss him this much, I wonder how much he misses me. Its easier for me because I'm still at home where its familiar where as he's not. I try to send him as many kisses over the phone or on my letters as I can. Even if I just kiss the paper and I draw an arrow saying "I kissed it right there for you" lol. Whatever works, right?!

Just a few more weeks left. I cant believe we're half way done! Time flew by. The next few weeks (starting next week) is going to be super busy. So I need to get a lot done this week (mostly cleaning cause this room is in serious need of being cleaned). And updating my blogs so I have a few days to walk away from it and get other things done.

And nowwwwww.... back to work!

Happily groggy.

I'm groggy. Someone woke me up this morning... MY BOO LOVES!!! :D

He called cause I was taking too long to mail out the graduation paper. He sounded a little bit mad at me, but I didnt snap back at him cause its really not that important and I was too happy he was on the phone (see, sometimes distance can be a good thing. Had he had been home, he woulda got the yelling of a lifetime). Once that was out of the way, we got to talk for a bit. Told him all my Wicked news, that mom bought me a hamster and I named him Boq and he laughed :D he liked the name hehe. Told him I havent been shopping cause I've been wanting to watch Wicked and he softened up. He told me about his shin and how he got physical therapy and they have a test tomorrow but he's excused to have his shin heal up, but at 7 weeks they have a test that determines everything so hopefully he's healed up by then. He's been drinking milk and stuff. He went to a Christian church today instead of the Wicca (Wicca is kinda solo mission thing like he mentioned in his last letter). He got this dog tags :D

What else... there's just so much to say and everything is a blur when you dont know what kind of time limit you're on. I told him everything for the wedding is ordered and I'm waiting for it to ship, asked about if I should do the booking for flight and hotel now or wait, told him about the money... he said he had to pay for clothes and stuff. He told me not to stress, reminded him its me hes talking to lol. Told him I'm trying to get his sponsorship for Thanksgiving.

His school is going to be in Florida and its going to be longer than we thought it would be with his previous job. So that sucks, I cant fly out to Florida all the time... if Texas is a 5hr flight... how long is Florida?! My ears will be really messed up by the time I get there! I've been avoiding NY for the same reason! But he's saying since we're going to be married by then he's going to try to get me to move out there, I kinda dont want to. Especially if its going to be out of our pocket. I dont really know how school works, I hear a lot of mixed things. I know if they have to be there for six months and over then you're able to move out there and they'll cover it, but I think less than six months is all out of pocket. Plus I'm not ready to move away from my family yet :(

I think that was it? He was really emotional :( my poor baby. Reminded him that I believe in him, I wouldnt had let him join the military if I didnt think he could make it. Told him to be good and take care and that he'll be fine. We'll see him in a few weeks. I told him to pass so we can get married and he did his baby "yes" and I know exactly what face he made. He kept saying I love you so much and it was getting harder and harder not to break. Dammit boo loves, can we keep things happy over the phone! It was nice to talk to him again after not talking for almost 2 weeks (2 weeks tomorrow).

He'll be fine. Just a few more weeks left... and it will all be over. And he'll get to come home and we'll get to get married and everything will be fine. Just a few more weeks love. That's all. I believe in you.

I feel so...

I just got two letters from Martin.

I need to get his graduation paper back to him, and I was suppose to mail it off yesterday and I forgot so I have to do it tomorrow so it'll be picked up on Monday.

Ugh, I'm so sad right now I cant even write.

The other letter was about how he went to the ER to get X-Rays for his shins. He's flat footed so its messing up his shin's and he said that they said they were close to being fractured and now he has to take pain killers and start drinking milk (with the already close to no time he has to eat). He has a waiver for something about self paced exercising or something. His next evaluation is some time this month and he might get medically discharged. I dont think its fair that they discharge him just because hes flat footed theres a lot of other people in the military who are flat footed as well. So I hope he doesnt get discharged.

I feel so... I dont know... sad.

I'm spending all this time setting things for a wedding that might not even happen. And I feel like giving up. I cant do anything to make this better, I cant encourage him from where I am, I cant help him. He has to do this on his own. I feel so bad for even questioning if he'll pass and I feel bad that I'm sad about it cause its like saying I dont believe in him. And I do, but I dont know. I'm just worried.

I'm just so sick of every letter being bad news, you know? I know it wasnt going to be easy and I know hes struggling but I didnt think every letter was going to be depressing. I'm almost tempted to not read anymore letters from him. But I know that would be wrong of me. I guess I'm just use to taking over when he needs help with things, and I cant this time. I cant away his worries, I cant take away his problems, I cant fix them this time. He's on his own.

And this is what it was about. Growing up on our own for awhile, not holding each other's hand. Gaining independence while we're away from each other.

I just want things to be okay.

Domestic violence.

I just finished watching Rihanna's interview on 20/20 about the incident that happened between her and Chris Brown earlier this year.

I'll admit, when that story was first released the first thing that came out of my mouth was "she must had done something to provoke him". Obviously the stories that were released had mixed up information. In one article it said she threw his phone and keys out the window but in the 20/20 interview the police report stated that he threw her phone out of the window when she attempted to call her assistant. So obviously I thought oh shes just another girl who just doesnt know when to shut up. Then there's Chris, who came from an abusive family and all you can really say is "well, he grew up around it. What do you expect?" and that theres no possible way someone will just hit you for no reason.

And yet, I never put my own past situation into consideration. Being in a relationship where I was verbally and mentally abused for 6 months straight, him putting his hands on me once and him "attempting" suicide because he was mad at me once. And when you look back on it, I never provoked any of those arguments. He started them with me and once I showed I was hurt he would push it even farther and when I would ask him to stop it would get even worse.

When she says that the physical wounds will heal but the flashbacks dont, she's right. I hate thinking back to the day I was pinned and I couldnt move and he was screaming at me. And I just didnt know where or when it was going to end or how. Its haunting, even now, six years later its still haunting. I assume at any given minute Martin will do the same thing to me one day even though in the last five years he's never even screamed at me. But lucky for me, my business wasnt broadcast around the world.

After watching her interview, I admire her so much more. I admire how strong she is and how she quickly realized that young girls look up to her and she didnt want to send the wrong message to them. I can imagine how hard it must be for her to be away from Chris and to deal with what has happened on top of that especially if they were best friends and I admire her for being so strong about it.

And I admire that it didnt take her 8 or 9 times for her to finally walk away.

Long day...

So today Marissa was suppose to take her entrance test for school, and I asked her to make sure and blah blah blah and she said she did buuuuut! She texted me as I was driving to the house and tells me that she had to make an appointment for the test.


Female version of Martin. I swear LOL.

So instead we go to Vaca and get lunch at Olive Garden. For $4. Shhh hehe. Then headed to Borders. None of the bridal magazines were helpful! Went to PetSmart, they didnt have anything I was looking for, for Boq (I decided to name the Robo baby Boq… after the munchkin from Wicked lol!) but we saw some meal worms making their great escape. Pretty gross. Thennn we went to Target and they didnt have my ear plugs.

Went to the mall and they still only had one candle which was the one I was looking at last time we were there, ugh. Oh! I got my See’s Wicked chocolates! Whoooooohoooo!!! YES! Hehe. Went to Party City to look for invites and the guy who worked in invites was new, literally his first day so, no help there… decided to add blue Frooties to the favors. Marissa’s a genius!

Went to Party City closer to home and they have an invite order specialist… wtf? And she wasnt there. They re-did that Party City. It looks so much bigger now! Went to CVS and found my ear plugs, yay! Went to Michaels and got some mesh bags for the favors, silver bows, blue/white/silver ribbon for the bouquet and my snowflakes! Stopped by Bed Bath and Beyond cause it opened! And its huge! And they have makeup and shampoo and stuff, crazy! Got info about the registry and it sounds a lot better than everyone elses. Its good for up to 2 years and if we purchase anything on our registry we get 10% off. Pretty neat. So made an appointment tomorrow at 11AM to go get that done. The invite lady for Party City doesnt get there til 12PM anyway, so gives us enough time. Then got Taco Bell for dinner and headed to Wal Mart cause Marissa had to look at jackets. Found better bubble blowers there, so gonna get those and return the ones from Michaels.

So tomorrow I have to order invites and custom ribbon, set up Bed Bath and Beyond registry, return bubbles, go to the bank, pay bills, stop by Joann’s, stop by Hallmark, Aerie gift, free Godiva, check my comic book (that was suppose to be out today but I didnt get a call) and stop by the post office. Oh and check out wedding bands.


I love how Wicked always manages to calm me. I was watching behind the scenes for the Sydney production and I got excited to see the show again. I seriously dont think I’ll ever get tired of the show!

I hope everything works out…

Basic Training pay.

When Martin had enlisted into the Air Force, one of the questions we were concerned about was if he was going to be paid during Basic Training. We had thought of freezing his accounts, but with such short notice (under a month before he had to leave) we didnt know if we should even bother trying. So we figured if he was paid during Basic, everything should be fine. And the recruiter assured us that he would be getting paid during Basic.

Typically they get paid every two weeks, so I figure that would work out as far as getting the bills paid and being able to save up for the wedding.

Well, the day he was suppose to get his first pay, he didnt get it. It landed on the weekend and after Googling it, they said that if the pay date should fall on a weekend or holiday it would be paid the following weekday. So I wait for Monday to roll by and still no pay. So I turn to yahoo answers which probably wasnt the best idea I've ever had since we all know, no one on yahoo answers is actually helpful.

Anyway, I find out that his first actual pay could take 4-8 weeks to arrive, which puts me in a panic because of the wedding. I need to pay a down payment to both the chapel and the reception obviously at least two or so weeks before the wedding. Not to mention get everyone else to book their rooms with our promo code and people usually need a few weeks to request it off work. So, with the time frame I have and not knowing when his pay will arrive (I'm getting a lot of the beginning of next month, which eases me slightly), I dont know how this will work out. And as always its up to me to make it work out.

Not to mention how impossible it is to get into contact with him considering he's in Basic and the only card that he has that I would be able to charge everything to, is not under my name. Now I regret arguing with him about not wanting to be on that card.

It just sucks, everything happened in the span of 3 months. Him considering, him leaving, the engagement, the wedding, everything. Is just crammed into 3 months. I would assume I'd be more stressed out than I am at the moment, but I've felt a lot better since I found my dress. Everything will work out, it has to.

Now you could say well why dont you pay for it and I can pay for his bills if I absolutely need to, but again they are his bills. With his debt, I have my own debt to worry about and the recruiter told us this wouldnt be a problem. But as far as the wedding goes, I dont have enough to pay for that. The bills I can cover, the wedding, I can not.

And keep in mind, I dont mind if we have to wait until his R&R to get married. Its him who wants to get married as soon as possible so I can go with him to Tech School. I mean I would like to get married as soon as possible as well, but if we have to wait, I wont mind.

My Greatest Adventure.

I saw this on someone's Tumblr and got sad. Martin wrote me a letter in the car before he left for Basic Training and it said:

Without you I would had never experienced these things. But guess what! Now its my turn to take you on an adventure. For six or so years. Thank you for being the best adventure babe.

I miss him so much =(.

A new month!

Hellooooooooooo November!

I'm excited for November for the following reasons:

  • Aerie free gift (if you're on their A-List)
  • Godiva free chocolate (if you're part of their membership program)
  • The Marvelous Land of Oz comic book releases this month (part II)
  • Seeing Wicked for the third time this month!
  • I get my dress at the end of the month
  • One month closer to seeing my boo loves!!!

Oh yah, and New Moon comes out (obviously its not high on my excited for list).
I have a few things to get done before November ends since November is the last month I'll have any kind of free time. December is going to be insane and busy. I was going to list the reasons why but I thought it was violation of OPSEC so I deleted it. Of course those details will be posted on the LiveJournal though. Blogger really needs to get on some privacy settings with certain entries! Goodness. But December will be extremely busy. Everything is week after week. I have about four days between huge event 1 and Martin coming home for the holidays. Then about a week between him coming home and the wedding. So yes, you can imagine just how busy I'll be in December.

I'm so excited to finally be able to see him soon. I miss him so much. I'm not a huge fan of Sundays since 1) you dont get mail so that means no letters 2) I dont get phone call's on Sunday. Contrary to everyone else who does. I usually get phone call's on Monday. Though I know they can be pretty random. So I'm hoping for a phone call tomorrow... and as much as I say "oh I'm not going to count on it" you know I am. I mailed off 3 letters today and I'll be mailing off 2 more tomorrow. Its hard to talk through letters since I need some questions answered regarding the wedding and sometimes those questions go unanswered since there's just too much to say in one letter. But I dont really want to spend the only 10 minutes we have per call to talk about wedding details you know?

I got a letter yesterday and it was less depressing than his last letter. Thank goodness. He got me a gift from the Wiccan church and I cant wait to see it! And know how his Wiccan church thing today went.

I have some people from Etsy sending me samples of their soaps for my wedding favors. So hopefully I get those in next week so I can pick and choose which ones I'll be ordering and have that part down so all I'll have to worry about is the packaging for the soaps. Still trying to figure out the bouquet details. Havent gone to Party City yet but I will be later this week. Hopefully by the time I go, I'll get a more solid answer on the date. And... yep!

Favors & Bouquet.

Today and last night I've been working on favors and the bouquet. I havent really decided what I wanted as favors, but I want something like candles or soaps. Candles might be a bit hard to transport and just all around a hassle but soaps not so much. I was first thinking LUSH and realized how pricey that's going to get. My jewelry making blogger friend Lisa offered to make soaps (shes starting to make soaps) but backed out cause she literally just started like... yesterday lol. But she linked me to someone on Etsy. So I started searching Etsy and contacted some people who have made snowflake soaps for samples in Sugar Cookie. So I'm expecting some of those next week and I'll have a bit of picking to do. Someone else does perfume/lotion solids, kinda like LUSH's solid perfume so I got some samples of that too. I might include those. Put them in a mesh bag and tie it with a ribbon with our names and wedding date. And of course the basket of blowing bubbles at the ceremony site with our ribbon.

As for the bouquet; this is a little complicated. I want white Orchids. I also want white and blue roses. Plain white roses and white roses with silver on the tips. Me and Marissa are going to get some supplies from Michaels next week to try that out and see if we can dye our own roses blue. But then I thought about it... how are we going to get those to Vegas and still alive? Unless we figure something out, bring the supplies to Vegas and quickly make them the night before/early morning. Or find somewhere in Vegas that sells/can make the roses ready to pick up and hopefully send my oh so loving cousin Aileen to pick them up for me (oh I'd love you forever Aileen)!

I need to do a bit more calling and mostly to the Ceasers Palace chapel just to clarify some things. I need to stop by Party City and custom order the ribbon and scroll through their save-the-dates and invitations again to order some of those as well.

Almost done planning.

I hope my dress comes out wonderful. I'm starting to think I should had just ordered it white as the over all color and have the Navy blue be the peek a boo color. Oh goodness!

I got 2 letters from Martin today. He's doing better. He gets to do the Wiccan Samhain celebration today or tomorrow, I think he said today. He said he plans on calling my grandpa. I'm a bit jealous. That'll be an experience for him. It kinda sounds like hes enjoying this Wiccan church, I'm glad he is. His letters were a bit more happier this time, so I'm happy about that too. I cant wait to see him again. Just a few more weeks left. This week is already over, so that's one more down. My parents have been very kind and supportive the last few weeks. I appreciate that so much.

Its hot today :( it was freezing cold the other day, what happened! I hope it cools down soon.

Lack of pictures.

I'm the type of person who likes to document their life, and with pictures. I've been so busy and everything has been so crazy that I just realized that I barely took any pictures while running from Bridal shop to Bridal shop and all of the other crazy adventures. I was just so set on getting everything set and done (with planning a wedding almost by yourself with just TWO MONTHS UNTIL the wedding, that might do that to you... I'm trying not to beat myself up too bad about it). But I will make a post about my adventures (with pictures, even if I have to pull them off from Google and Yelp) very soon.

I have a check list on the right of things I still need to get done and things I've already done. In Martin's previous letter, he mentioned that his break may be two weeks long instead of one (oh please oh please let this be true) and I'm itching to find out if hes right so I can send out save-the-date's already, but of course... with him being in basic training its a little difficult to contact him. But I will remember to bring it up the next time he call's.

This entire thing has been a really... complicated experience for me. It's been exciting, sad, frustrating and lonely. But like I said, at least I have a really helpful sister in law who'll gladly be dragged around with me while I find the perfect dress, invitations, decor and everything else. Not to mention she's coming up with better idea's than me! And thank goodness for Lisa who constantly reminds me that she's there if I need anything (soaps for favors sounds like a great idea)!

This blog is totally turning into a wedding blog and not a military blog lol. But I mean, it beats writing an entry everyday that says "sooo yeah, no letter today" right?!

I'll try to put a little more effort into my blogs, maybe it'll help with the down-ness if I channel that energy into something else, which I should be doing in the first place!

Found my wedding dress!!


I was in love with this dress that I tried on at the first bridal store I went to but it didnt come in blue, at all. It came in a baby blue but no dark blues... so I was bummed. I'm completelysmitten with that dress. I demand my sister in law has a red wedding so I can buy that dress (lucky for me, she agreed. she likes that dress too)! I had one written down that I saw from a website and I was trying on dresses similar to the one I was in love with, and surprisingly one of the ones I wishlisted they had a sample of. So I tried that on. It wasnt as lovely as the original one I wanted but its really really nice. It doesnt have a train or a long sash (which is what I kinda wanted but its kinda no big deal) but it does have that fanning out thing in the back. And its gorgeous. I got a shaw thing to go with it, I'm insecure when it comes to showing my shoulders and I got my shoes. All of a little over $300. Oh I'm so excited! We also got the table decor for $44! Michaels was having a sale, so thank goodness for that! How we're going to get it to Las Vegas without the glass shattering, I have no idea... but we'll figure something out! I really hope Martin likes my dress and the decor. Marissa will be in charge of setting up the tables if I dont come back in time since she is the one who thought of the decor in the first place!

I'm lucky to have such a helpful sister in law!

So I was pretty happy yesterday since we got a lot done, I'm just bummed I couldnt find my candle. We also got the bubbles for the wedding, we just need to get the ribbons for them now. And the invites.

I also got 4 letters from Martin yesterday. Well 3 and some paper work for his graduation. I was pretty excited but when I read them... they were really sad. All of them were. It broke my heart. I know its hard for him out there, but I didnt expect it to be this hard. He's so much stronger than that, I dont know why hes not acting like it. I know its hard for him to be away from me and to do things on his own for once, but he has to do this. I guess its just a little easier for me to be on my own cause prior to being with him, I was on my own already. So with him leaving its just like "oh, back to this" where as for him, its something completely new. I hope he graduates on time and I hope hes right about his break dates cause that means I'll get the date I wantand he'll be home for Christmas.

I wish so much I could just run over there and give him a hug and a kiss and tell him I believe in him and that he can do this. And stop being a doober face about it. But I cant. I'm here, he's there, and I feel so helpless being so far away and not being able to make it better. His last letter was really really sad. I feel so bad for him. I hope things are better now. He told me about the Wiccan church, and I'm a little jealous. We call our happy place "home". My home is curled up on his lap (like a cat, literally) and his home is laying on my lap and they told them to go to their happy place and he was talking about how real it felt. Like he could touch me and he could smell me and I'm a little jealous! I'm running off memories here! But he told me it was fun, there's more to it, but I'm sure no ones really interested to know what Wiccans do plus it sounds cultish lol. I'm also a little jealous he gets to go to Wiccan church lol.

I'm a little down today because of the letter, I'm hoping the next ones wont be so sad. My friend (who went in before him) already warned me that the first three weeks will be depressing, it gets better after that. I hope she's right.

Two months left.

Today marks two months until our wedding. Hopefully.

And nothing is done. SURPRISE! Not really.

I think I'm getting sick. I was sneezy all day yesterday and I went to bed with a runny nose, then this morning I woke up (thanks to a phone call from a bridal store I called yesterday) at 10AM with a stuffed up nose. Not good. And even now, at 5:17PM I feel like crap and all I wanna do is take a nap!

I really hope I find a dress tomorrow, its kinda my last-ish hope. There isnt much time left and I really really really need to find a dress... soon. Unfortunately the dress I wanted doesnt come out til January 2010. I know, lovely right? I wasnt aware until I called the bridal shop to see if it was in stock. Unhappy? Oh yes. Spent a bunch of time yesterday calling buffets in Vegas. I wanted to change it to the Wynn (all you can eat Gelato!) but their rules are different from everywhere elses, so I decided against it. I think I'll stick with MGM, why the heck not. I already know their food is good. Maybe we can dine at the Wynn by ourselves one of the days we're there.

Other than wedding details, I read Sweep: Book of Shadows yesterday. And I finished it in like 3 hours. It was such a good book. I just had to order the next 3! There's, I believe, right now... 14 books in the series. Though I'm not sure. It's about a girl in high school who's introduced to Wicca by the new guy (it had a total Twilight-Edward-and-Bella opening) and she's a blood witch but doesnt know it. And the book was kinda like, describing my life (at this moment) lol. Probably why I was so hooked on it. I'm thinking of making a blog dedicated to books. But I already have so many blogs that I dont know if that would be a good idea. Blah.

Havent gotten any letters or phone call's since two days ago, wow its only been two days? It feels much longer than that lol! Jazi was telling me that after three weeks everything should be better, so I'm hoping she's right. A few more weeks til his graduation so that's pretty exciting. I dont know if I should book everything now or wait til next month. I hope to hear from him soon *sigh*.

It's almost over... just a few more weeks...

Stop Overs.

I dont have a fear of planes or anything and taking off is my favorite part... but, I do have a huge problem with landing.

For as long as I can remember, landing has always been painful for me. I've been avoiding going to the Philippines for years due to this problem, the last time I went (because you transfer planes in Manila. Meaning I had to land twice) I seriously felt like my head was going to explode, it wasnt fun. I've tried to avoid plane flights that are more than an hour and a half because then I'd be tempted to sleep and sleeping can cause more discomfort. I usually force myself to stay awake and I constantly swallow, and when I say constant, I literally mean constant.

So imagine my reaction to find that to get to Martin's graduation location would be a 3 hour flight. I was planning on taking Virgin Airlines (everyone's raving about them lately) because of all the things they offer (like watching tv, IMing people on the plane with you, etc) I figure that could occupy me for 3 hours but they dont offer flights to my destination. Great. Not only that but, I found out just today that the flights will take longer than 3 hours. The shortest I've found was 4 1/2 and there's a required stop over with every flight I've found.

*insert extreme freak out here*

I've even called the airlines and they said the shortest stop over they have is a little over one minute and you're not to leave the plane (I guess its more of a drop off type thing) but that's not the problem. The problem is that I'll be landing twice in one day. My ears ache just thinking about it. What. Am. I. Going. To. Do!

My mom provided me with ear plugs when I went to Las Vegas and they helped a lot. But if you put them in the wrong way, then of course they wont work as well. But the problem is... how do you know its in right? Sure you can feel it, but you cant feel it if its slightly off. Which can cause problems. I came across this, Clear Ears but I dont think I've seen these in stores before (honestly I never really looked). But I'm interested in trying them, too bad I cant do like... a small test run. But I hope, hope, hope these work. Another thing I found (thank the God's for Google) was nasal spray, certain medicine like Paracetamol.

Someone one on one of the sites I found mentioned that it could be nasal related. It was worded differently that was much more understandable but the words arent coming to me right now. Either way, I saw it and remembered that when I was younger I shoved a peanut up my nose (my mom's an RN and as a child I was a picky eater and she use to tell me if I didnt eat she'd feed me through my nose, she failed to mention it required a tube. So being curious, I tried to feed myself through my nose. I know, smart move right?) and I remember having to go to the hospital to have it taken out since I shoved it in too far. I remember getting X-Rays for it and seeing the damaged tissue. My parents took me in for my snoring problem and that's how I ended up with nose X-Rays. I believe I was suppose to have surgery to fix the tissue but I never ended up getting it (surgery to 5 year old is not something you should mention) besides they said I might grow out of it... or something. I dont know this was 20 years ago the appointment gets hazy lol.

But! I'm curious to know, if that's the cause of my painful plane landings. I'm just afraid if it is, what are the steps to correct it. Of course, either way I'm going to have to suck this up and make it to Martin's graduation no matter how painful it may be. Since he's in the military I dont have much of a choice but to get use to flying more often. Which is not what I'm looking forward to (why could he join a branch that's more on the ground?!) but I will definitely look for those ear plugs, research that medicine, call the hospital, flush my ears and everything else before getting on the plane. I just really really hope its a going to be a smooth flight (and by that I mean no intense amount of pain).

Martin knows how I get during landings and I'm sure he's just as worried about me as I'm worried myself and I'm sure once he sees me the first thing he'll do is kiss my ears in case they still hurt.

It's the little things he does that make me miss him so much...

Phone call.

Surprisingly I got my phone call. Right after I read his letters. Eight minutes wasnt enough, I blanked out during the call. And now that he's hung up, I remember everything I wanted to say. He told me the bases he got to choose from, but I didnt really understand what he meant. The reception there sucks (or maybe its just his phone). But I'm glad I got to hear from him. I just wish every phone call didnt end in tears.



I got 2 three page letters from Martin today!!! And I got his graduation info. Yay! Does that mean I can book the hotel now? And the plane tickets? I'm excited!

He's doing good, which is good. He said he was going to write to me every night which is good cause I've been trying to not write him every night. Someone said if they get too many letters they could get in trouble but he said I can write every day if I want cause they get mail call every night. He said his first run was 18 minutes (I think they're suppose to do it in 12) and he was last coming in and everyone was saying "airforce failure" that made me sad. He'll get better, I know he will. He hasnt worked out in a while, so it'll take awhile for him to get it all back. I'm sure by now (I think he wrote that letter last week) he's got it down. It doesnt take that long for him to bounce back.

He also said he was the only one who didnt get a bump on his booty from the booty shot they get lol! Oh and... hes making his own bed. I know its required, but still, it amazes me. I wonder if he'll be making beds when he gets home. It would be amazing if he did! I swear, I was crying the entire time I was reading his letters :(

He mentioned that he wanted Olive Garden (Olive Garden is my favorite restaurant but he hates that place) and then he goes "or maybe I just wanna be with you". And hes always like that, he hates Olive Garden but if that's where I'm going to be, he wants to be there with me. He would follow me to the end of the Earth if I decided to go there. I love that about him.

I wish I was as strong as him. I always wish I was as strong as him. He keeps saying how just thinking of me gives him the strength to keep going and not quit. And for me, his absence makes me feel so weak. I always feel so selfish when I think about it.

I did write his address wrong, but he got the letters. At least now that he sent me letters, I know what his address is (its so off from what he told me, wtf lol).

I'm amazed he wrote me three pages, he hates writing. But it looked like he had a lot to say, I'll probably start writing him every night :)

Overslept & bad dreams...

I had a bad dream last night.

We went to Martin's graduation and after we went to this mall/shopping area place and he immediately went to the arcade and didnt bother spending time with me, so I walked off to the shopping mall and a few hours later we had to go to ceremony type thing and I didnt wanna sit with him cause he ignored me the whole day for video games but I was forced to sit next to him and he finally hugged me and it felt all nice and stuff then he told me he cheated on me. Twice. And I got really sad and just... blah.

Then he tried to kill me.

Dream Martin isnt a fan of me I'm starting to think. But I woke up sad.

This might sound weird coming from someone who's only had long distance relationships her whole life (out of 13 relationships, only 3 including this one has been local), but I sometimes doubt I can handle being a military wife. I didnt think the distance would bother me this much. I thought I'd brush it off like the usual "oh its cool I'll see him next week" type of deal (and just keep saying that every week for the next seven weeks). But its nothing like that. This distance is tiring. And I hate it. I wrote Martin a letter last night and I dont know if I should send it, I was just really angry and tired last night and I dont want to send him letters that are anything less than happy. I know it must be hard for him out there too, harder than it is for me. And I dont want to send him a letter telling him how unhappy I am, even if I am for that moment because overall, I'm not. I'm so proud of him, but I just miss him so much sometimes.

Its just hard, and its only the second week. We can get through this, I just need to stop being so impatient.

I didnt get out of bed til 1PM today, which is fine. My eye stopped twitching. Thank goodness. It's so hot today, where are you hiding autumn?

All this wedding planning....


I'm going to try to not do any wedding planning today. Wedding planning free this weekend (hopefully).

The favors are slowly coming together. The dress is still not found, neither are the invites or the save the dates. I called MGM the other day and the lady told me they have their own bakery on site and she'd email me their choices but I didnt get the email! Argh, so I have to call again tomorrow. I also need to ask if I'm able to light candles on the tables. The table decor is slowly coming together too. Hopefully everything works out, I'm really really worried about not getting my date. Cause if I dont, it will ruin everything. I hate how unstable all of this is.

Martin needs to call me already!! This is driving me nuts. The recruiter told me after two weeks he'd give me a call, but he called two days after getting there so I dont know if that means I dont get my two week call. And other people say that the first three weeks they're unable to call or write. Ugh.

Yesterday was fun though. Went to see Behind The Emerald Curtain with the future sis in law and I got to take a picture with Fiyero and randomly went to see if they had any tickets for yesterday for 2PM annnnnd.... they did! Haha so I took them! Had a Wicked filled day, it was awesome. And ate delicious Lobster Pad Thai from Straits, yum! Worth the $39! It was so freakin good! A nice relaxing day. I'm tempted to see Wicked next month and in December =). So I'm excited for that!

Wedding dress shopping!

Man, I'm too tired to blog. Like warm-fuzzy-tired. I just wanna cuddle under my fleece blanket right now... mMm.

Had lunch with my Auntie Heidi and Uncle Ray, mom, dad and Carlo cause they're leaving tomorrow.

Then went to get Marissa and headed out to go pay Martin's freakin school late fee. And his Kay bill. Thank goodness people know us around here, makes it easier when I'm trying to pay a bill or something. No questioning who I am or anything. I'm honestly gonna miss it! Got my free gift from Aerie, Marissa signed up for it too and she stopped me from buying this super cute hat. Grrr. Reserved the new Oz comic book, I know its early but who knows! Had lunch and brought my gyoza's home this time, whoo!! Delivered packages to the post office, whew.

So today I went wedding dress shopping. I decided to just stop by the place with the bad reviews and it wasnt so bad. The girl who helped me was really sweet and nice. Out of all the dresses I was interested in looking at, they only had one. So I went to browse around and find a few more dresses. I found a few too many.

Thank goodness Marissa was there to help me find my shoes! Those dresses were so big they swallowed me! I fell in LOVE with this ruffled one, but it was offered in navy blue so I decided on another one that was really pretty, but it just... didnt scream out to me. So I dont know, I think I'll look around some more.

But man, by the third dress, I was like "I'm getting tireeeedddd!" it was really tiring!

We also went to Michael's, I was hoping to get some idea's for favors and to get some take out boxes to pack Martin's cookies in for his graduation. Marissa found some skull ones that were on sale cause of Halloween. So score!

And we also went to Kohls and I got a cute winter coat I'm gonna wear to his grad. Paired with leggings and boots =). Marissa tried on these boots I wanted and they were niiice! Damn them for costing $40. I'll be on the look out for them to go on sale!

Oh I got my pearls!! They're all freakin... smaller than I assumed they'd be and I got my earrings from Lisa. I *heart* her! She's so sweet!

And more dresses...

After browsing I found a few more dresses I was interested in. Problem is, they carry it in a store with bad reviews. At least, the store close to me. Good news is, two cities farther is a bridal store that carries the same dresses... with good reviews (yay) so my plan is to try on the dresses at the closer shop and order from the farther. I know, arent I smart? I'm sure my dress size is a 1 but I'm going to double check anyway and see how some of these look on me. I'm on the search for a dress with sleeves, which is pretty hard to find. I hate that I'm super skinny, I feel uncomfortable wearing sleeveless dresses. I would post pictures but there's just wayyy too many of them, so once I narrow it down... I'll be sure to post those pictures!

Got a few more things to work on as far as the wedding goes... and by "a few" I really mean "a lot". So, yeah. Yipee? I'm super thankful my cousin Janice is offering to help, thank goodness! I'm so lost when it comes to this stuff!

I found a great hotel to stay at for his graduation. Yay! I'm excited. I was scared I wouldnt find one! I'm picky when it comes to hotel's.

I'm thinking of making him a graduation gift, but I dont know what to do! I thought of baking him cookies. I already called the airlines and they said as long as its a solid food I'm able to bring it on the plane (how to package them so they dont break is another story). I'm thinking of bringing him 5-10 mini Beef Jerky packs that he likes with me (I'm sure after Basic he'd want them) and I dont know what else! I was thinkin a Build-A-Bear but that might be too girly. I was gonna make him a Goomba (from Mario) charm but that might be too ambitious lol. I dont know though, I just might! I know that'll probably make him more happy than anything. Even if it is just a tiny charm. I was gonna buy him a DSi, but I wanted to wait on that for Christmas. I think I wanna make him something for his graduation cause he always prefers when I make something rather than just buy him something. So yeah, maybe I'll do that.

Still no word from him yet. I already sent out 3 letters (working on my 4th one). No call, no letter, nothin. I know the first 3 weeks are the hardest and you cant really contact people, but man this just... sucks! I swear if I dont get something, anything by early next week I'm gonna scream! I know if he had the choice to call me, he would. So, yeah. I'm just being a baby. I just miss him that's all *sigh*.

Dress -- update.

So I called the places in my area that carried the dress line I wanted to check out and I asked about the first picture I posted. None of them had it in stock, though they were able to order it and it does go down to a size zero, none were in stock for me to try on. And no one knew the prices since they didnt have the price sheet handy. Yeah, not helpful.

As much as I would like to have that dress, not knowing the price can be a problem. I havent decided if I'm going to change dresses or just stick with the one I already had in mind in the first place. The problem with the one I had in mind is that its just one solid color. I wanted (like I said before) a double colored dress.

Ugh, this is so hard without Martin here.


So I had already picked out my perfect wedding dress from David's Bridal. But I came across this site from someones blog and I browsed it and OMG fell in love with a few dresses...

This one that kinda looks like the dress I'm getting but it has two tones. I want a two toned dress, I hate that my dress is just one solid color!

This is totally something I'd wear, I dont know if I'd wanna get married in it, but totally... something I'd rock.

I love strap less dresses, but I cant wear them before I'm too skinny. I totally wanna buy two dresses: my planned dress and my if-I-gain-weight-like-I-want-to dress!

I really really want this dress! Even if it is strap less! I love the detail on the side! And I would totally get it in that color and change my wedding colors!

I really really really really want this dress too! But I'm worried if the shaw thing would get in the way?

The only problem with this is that the site is located in NY and I'm from CA. So thats kinda, a long ways apart. I wouldnt be able to try on these dresses =\. I'm starting to think maybe I should actually look for a dress instead of just settling for any dress...

Phone Call!

I got my first phone call the other day! But it wasnt long, it was only 6 minutes and he had just called to tell me his address and he had to go.

He tried to slip in "how are you?" and "I love you so much" and I was asking how he was and he sounded like he was starting to tear and he was telling me its hard. I hope hes okay, I know he'll be okay, but I just hope hes okay right now. He's strong, I'm sure he'll be fine. Hes never been away from home by himself before, and I can imagine how hard this is for him. Not only being away from home but not being able to talk to anyone from home either. It must be nerve wrecking.

We all miss him and we're all proud of him. I hope he knows that. We're all thinking of him all the time. I try not to sleep til 2AM cause I know hes waking up around that time. It makes me feel closer to him, in a weird way.

I mailed him a letter the day after he gave me the address. Man, those addresses are complicated! I hope I wrote it down right! People were saying to wait until he writes or something just to make sure that its right. I couldnt wait that long. I hate not having contact with him! Hopefully he gets it soon though and hopefully hes able to write back soon.

I miss him so much. I had urges all day yesterday to pick up the phone and call him =(. This is the longest we've gone without talking in the last five years *sigh*.

Wedding Favors.

I was thinking about wedding favors. I havent completely decided if I wanted to give them out. I kinda want to, because I think it deserves to have favors given out! But I have a hard time trying to figure out what to give out. I have a few things in mind, like a CD of all of “our” songs. Maybe some bubble blower things and I really really want to give out candles as a favor, but I’m having a hard time trying to find candles to give out as favors that I can afford. I also have to figure out a wedding color palette. Just to make things a bit easier and so I have something solid to stick to.

This is so hard without him here and without someone to help me. Its just me and my indecisive-ness I guess!

Somethings I had in mind:

I have no idea why its not showing the text! Grrr.

I was hoping for maybe picking my favorite scent from Bath & Body Works? But that might cost wayy too much. I wish Illuminations didnt close down! I probably wouldnt figured out something with theirs. And I’m not a fan of Yankee Candle, so that’s out of the question! Hm, darn.

I hope it brings you bliss.

Me: I hope you're happy. Now that you're choosing this.
Martin: I hope it brings you bliss.
Me: I really hope you get it.
Martin: And you dont live to regret it.
Martin: I hope you're happy, in the end.
Me: I hope you're happy.
Me & Martin: My friend.

Yes, we sang a part of Defying Gravity to each other before saying goodbye. Does that make us lame? I dont really care. Its what we do, and it was actually really sad. I love you babe, I'm so proud of you. And I'm so thankful. You're my dream come true too, I'll be here waiting for you to come home. =(

Getting ready for the engagement party!

I have half an hour left of free time before I have to start running around getting ready. I swear this party was probably more stressful than planning the actual wedding. I also totally forgot to order a freakin cake! So I was calling places at 8PM last night lol, talk about high hopes right? Oh well, Martin doesnt think we should get a cake. Hm, maybe.

I still have to curl my hair, get dressed, picked out some desserts and I think that's it? I painted my nails and man I really do suck at it. But I guess painted nails are better than non painted nails? Not sure, I never paint my nails but this color is super cute! Love! I have on ELF's Royal Purple!

There was something else I had to do, and I totally forgot what. Crap.

Less than a week left.


I feel like clinging on to his leg and begging him not to go! I already asked if he could just hide me in his duffel bag and he refused :(

Planning the engagement party is stressful. I hope everything works out. I'm sure I'll be excited for the party, but sad because it just means hes leaving that much sooner! I dont even know if we'll get everything we want to get done, done. We're behind on a bunch of stuff! I thought I'd be more prepared than this! Ugh, sadness is taking over and making me not want to do anything but just sit and mope. Really, dont have time for that!

I dont want him to go :( how am I gonna get through Basic Training??

Thank you!

Thank you everyone for the congrats on the engagement! I'm excited! Though my ring makes it hard to wash my hands. And every time he squeezes that hand, I wanna punch him in the face. It hurts! Haha. But I really like it, he did SO well. I think hes more amazed with it than I am though, I swear he wants to see it every five seconds.

I'm feeling mixed emotions. I'm excited because now I can plan the wedding and do all the exciting girly things (minus having someone to do them with which is why I'm hoping Marissa will be free for the next few months so I can drag her around with me lol)! But at the same time, I'm sad and anxious because it just makes everything so much more... real. Him leaving for Basic Training, him being gone for the next six or so months... not being able to talk to him for the first six and a half weeks he'll be gone... our lives changing and growing up. I think I'm scared of that the most. Seriously, just thinking about it is giving me a lump in my throat and making me super anxious.

Is this normal? To be excited but scared and anxious at the same time?

I'm excited to start a new life, to finally get to start my life with him. But I dont want to leave my parents. I dont want to move to somewhere random not knowing how far away I'll be. I dont want to be away from my dog and cat. I couldnt imagine calling any other room "my room". I know I can always come home. I know I can always call my mom and dad. But it wont be the same, you know? I'm 24, I'm suppose to had already left home... but still. It feels so... scary =(.


foolishxlady A blog about my experience as a military girlfriend. My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years recently decided to join the United States Air Force. I have a more private journal about this (since I dont want to violate OPSEC) here.

This was originally suppose to be a blog about my experience as a military girlfriend & fiancée. But two weeks before my finance's BMT graduation, he was discharged for medical reasons. So, yeah, that sucks! But he still has the option to re-enlist after two years. They want to make sure he's fully recovered before coming back.

This blog, however will still be where I write about being a newlywed. We got married on December 28th, 2009 in Las Vegas, NV!

With that said, we're not married and since the military thing didnt work out, we're still on a struggle as to what we're going to do from here on out. So if you're interested in hearing about peoples struggles, you've came to the right place!